It’s three years today since I suddenly lost my father.
Yes, that’s him on the left. Handsome dude. And he was my father. And I am his son, believe it or not.
I feel I got his intelligence genes, not the ones for looks:-)
As I write these words, it was around this time in the day that I spoke to him for the last time. He had sounded fine and was recovering well from a chest infection.
The phone on my bedside table rang just after one in the morning, and the moment I saw on the phone display that it was my mother calling, I intuitively knew that something serious had happened at home.
The next few hours were a blur as right away I drove to my parents’ home that night. Indeed the next few months were a blur as somehow my family and I struggled to come to terms with our loss.
Though a lot has happened for me since then, in many ways my life seemed to come to a standstill. The pain of the loss is ever present and though he may have gone, he always seems to be around me.
I have often written on my blog about making the most of our life and our time on this planet.
I also speak about how there is always a brighter side to everything and how we should always try and be positive. But on this occasion during my grief, I was hard pressed to find anything positive
Despite all the beauty in the world, life can also give us such heart rending, excruciatingly painful experiences that it takes all we have and much more to even get through each day.
Somehow I used to think that my parents will always be around and indeed I was almost shut off from the possibility of my father not being around one day.
Self denial is fine if it helps to cocoon you from future sadness, but when a loss like this hits you, it’s that much harder.
I guess we all tend to put off thinking of the loss of our loved ones especially our parents, but knowing and acknowledging that such a separation one day is absolutely certain can help us appreciate our time together that much more.
For me, three years later, the pain and the loss is still there as ever and not surprisingly, I seem to attract or talk to people with similar losses.
Last week, I had some friends over who lost their father only seven weeks ago. Their pain was still very raw and I was able to give them the sort of loving space and time that others had given me three years.
Though my friends were aware of their father’s imminent passing, when it actually happened the pain was still immense.
Somehow, when we remember our loved ones we think about all the things we didn’t do or say, or regret some of the things we did say which we wish we hadn’t.
On my blog I have written many times about the need to spend more time with our loved ones and making the most of each day. Never has this felt more relevant to me than today.
Since my father’s passing I have also written 4 relevant articles about him and the lessons I have learnt. I invite you to check them all out.
Some of you might need a box of tissues handy:-
1. Lessons in Life and Death from my Father
2. Lessons in Compassion from my Father
3. The first year of my life without my father
4. How to suffer excruciating pain and live again
Somehow, I feel that my life stalled from that fateful day 3 years ago. And it is only now that I finally seem to be getting my old zest and energy back whereas for so long I have felt stuck and stagnant.
I had a coaching session with my coach and mentor Davide De Angelis this week and he made me see how it was now time for me to fly again.
When I look back over the last 3 years, it has been quite a journey with lots of twists and turns. I had indeed become stagnant – it was as if I was stuck in the first gear.
I am now inspired to follow the promptings again of my heart and follow what my life is really about.
As some of you may have noticed, my blog has a new look and this week I have already updated the About Page on my blog – please have a look and see if what I say resonates with you. If not, please tell me what’s missing for you.
I have also got my creative juices going again and am looking at various ideas to really make a difference in people lives. Look out for more information coming soon.
In the meantime, the other thing I am doing is getting my book “Get the Life you Love” to a much wider audience.
My father, a writer and published author himself, was very proud of the day when I published my first book and sent him a copy.
Every time he saw me face to face, he would ask me when the next book was coming out, even if I had only just seen him a couple of weeks before!
At least he was alive when I experienced the dream of every author – to see their book coming off the printing press. Turn on the sound on your computer, sit back for three minutes and check out the video below:-
Today, I can think of no better way to mark my father’s death anniversary than to share this life-changing book once again with the world.
Have a look at what others have said on Amazon.
My book which has sold in thousands has impacted many people lives and has become a life companion for so many.
This book is also the perfect gift for Xmas and the New Year.
What I would like to do is to send you a signed copy wherever you are in the world at face value i.e. free postage and packing. So it will cost you just £10/$15 depending on where you are.
Just let me know whose name the book should be signed in and I will send it to you within 48 hours of receiving your order.
You can also order copies for family and friends and I shall send them a copy direct, well in time for Xmas and the New Year.
Alternatively, you may just want to get the ebook version:-
Thank you.
Today I shall be spending the day reflecting on my father’s life, all he did for me and the many gifts he bestowed on me.
I am honoured that I am now able to share some of my own gifts with the world, thanks to him.
Thank you all for giving me this space to share my personal grief, helping my deep growth and for following my journey.
I wish you all of the best for your own journey.
A wonderful christmas gift… and yes, he was very handsome indeed! 🙂
– it took me a few years to recover from the loss of my sister too… glad you’re turning a new corner!
Thanks Satya. And it feels good to be turning the corner.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your sister – I read about this on your old blog. Glad you are now also firing on all cylinders.
Arvind,
You have such a beauty filled spirit! Thank you for sharing:)
I think you may not have become stagnant–think of nature and the flow of the seasons..you had to first have the proper nutrients and rich soil before you could blossom fully..and along the way you have enriched lives! This is only the beginning..I’m excited to watch as it all unfolds for you.
Thank you for keeping your heart open and sharing so generously from it!
Joy, you are right – I wasn’t stagnating, just waiting to blossom again:-)
New beginnings all around!
Hi Arvind, Your caring and emotional words resonate with me today as i recently lost my father.. He passed away in May and I miss him so much… Life is never the same and each day i feel blessed to have my health and family close to me.. Your book is very motivating and character building and one of my favourites! Stay happy Arvind and remember that success comes to those who work hard and believe in themselves, which you certainly have shown.. I’m sure your wonderful Dad is proud of you.. Speak soon Yasmin
Dear Yasmin,
I am really sorry to hear about your loss.
Just know that it does get easier, though right now at only 6 months since the passing of your father, it may not seem so to you.
And thanks for all your kind words of encouragement – they mean a lot to me.
Speak very soon. In fact I am going to call you right now!
Though we have never actually met, I feel that you are a close friend.
Love and blessings.
Arvind
Dearest Arvind,
I am so completely overwhelmed by this whole post.
Firstly, your Father must be so extremely proud of you…he got to see you fulfill your dream, before he left….I never really got that opportunity, so I feel a bit …..My father passed away before I actually became anything, I know he sees everything….but still there is a certain Joy to sharing your success and happiness with your parents and seeing their happiness in that very moment.
Secondly, the video …oh I’m totally emotional right now..cant stop crying…I felt so moved with the whole process. Just the feeling of seeing your work, physically being created, highly impactful.
Thank you fro sharing this joy with us, and for so freely sharing your work with your readers.
May your book sell millions and millions everyday….and bring millions of smiles to You and Your Father everyday.
Much Love,
Z~
Dearest Zeenat,
Thanks for all your many kind of encouragement and support!
Though your father never actually got to see all the light and love you bring to the world, I am sure that wherever he is now, he is looking down on you proudly.
As for the video, it ranks up their as one of the highlights of my life!
As for selling millions of my books, the number is at around 5,000 at the moment:-)
Thanks again,
Love, Arvind
Arvind. This is such an overwhelming and real post. So much to learn from it. Am learning myself how pain teaches us. It is a defining moment. Thank you for sharing this. May you continue to spread the message of living life fully. God bless
Thanks Uzma for your kind words – pain certainly teaches us, though at the time you really do not want to go through it all.
Love and blessings
Arvind
Your mere photograph in your blog and facebook is extremely positive and full of positive vibrations. 🙂 While I am sure I shall come back for reading the other articles as mentioned above about your late father , let me at this juncture share with you news about my father.
He died almost 15 years ago. Of cancer. I did as much as I could for I was all of 19 when it was detected at the 2nd stage. With the passage of time I got to overcome his loss ,however always feel his protected spiritual presence. Baba [as we Indians mostly call our fathers] has left me in this world. I am but a part of both my parents. You have mentioned about the gems you received from your father which you have shared with so many. Arvind, you have a long way to go. He will always be with you, in you, When you look at yourself in the mirror you will ‘see’ him. 🙂 I lost my mother in 2002. So you can imagine my pain. However I can not see them physically. I can ‘feel’ them always. Saving me, protecting me, guiding me. God help you get through this…….. my prayers n good wishes will always be with you. 🙂
Dear Nabanita,
Thanks for sharing your own moving story and I am sorry that both your parents have passed away so many years ago. I can’t even imagine what this must have been like for you.
I too can sense my father’s presence around me at times and it’s a real blessing.
And thanks for all your wonderfully kind words and wishes. I am blessed to have people like you in my life.
Glad you like the photograph:-)
Arvind, I applaud you for such honesty and very few people (especially bloggers and coaches) would admit that their life had come to a stand still worried about their profile or reputation. You, on the other hand, are made of more integrity and trueness. Having also lost my father very quickly out of the blue, I know how the sudden separation can disable any future confidence and will to achieve. But I look at your blog and the man I know and I see someone who has bore the pain nobley and offered his heart to others.
Today your father I’m sure would be proud to say, “This is my son Arvind, and I love him”. Arvind many of us also love and admire you and writing this post may have just been the moment you moved on into the happy future you fully deserve. A beautiful, poignant tribute to a man I know who will be with you all the days of your life and every road ahead of you. In peace my friend.
Thanks John for all your kind words – it’s reassuring to hear such words from you.
As I now embark on the next part of my journey, I wish you too all the best.
Arvind,
I am sorry for the loss of your father three years ago. How fortunate you are to have someone like him as a father, likewise for your father to have a son like you. Joy and sorrow are all part of life. They all help us to grow.
Best wish!
Thanks Qin for your kind words – all part of life but most people would rather only have the joy.
Yet it is the sorrow that ultmately makes us who we are.
What a lovely and loving tribute to your father. My own father died many years ago. I went through a very rebellious youth, typical of many kids who came of age in the 60’s and 70’s in the US. And while I don’t regret it, I do regret the pain I caused my parents. I am so grateful that my dad lived long enough for me to be reconnected to my family and to have some wonderful memories of time with him before he died.
As always, your post connects heart to heart. Thank you.
Galen, great that you reconnected with your family and at least got to share some wonderful times with your father. So many people never even get to do that.
As for rebellious youth, I am sure your parents understood what you were going through but as always just wanted the best for you.
Dear Arvind,
My heart always sits up and takes note when you talk about your father. What a remarkable photo of him.
My dad felt like a kindred spirit and losing him was so hard, although I had a “dream” shortly before he died in which I held him sobbing and said “I don’t want to lose you”. He replied “I’m not going anywhere”. I awakened knowing he was going to die but comforted by his words that he was not really leaving.
This reminds me of your awareness of your dad’s presence near you which is wonderful.
I’m with you, Arvind. We need to remain aware that those we love – and ourselves – are here for a limited time. That makes our time together and our relationship all the more precious.
My father’s passing allowed me to become closer to my mother. That has been my gift.
Big hugs and love,
Lauren
Dear Lauren,
Thanks for all your kind words and for sharing your dad’ story.
I too had a very lucid dream just a few minutes before I heard the news of his passing where I felt really peaceful, calm and loved. It was almost like a message from him that all was well and that he would always be with me.
As you say, we need to remain aware that those we love – and ourselves – are here only for a limited time. And that makes our time together and our relationships all the more precious.
I too became closer to my mother after my father’s passing – a wonderful gift.
Thanks again Lauren.
Love and blessings
Arvind
Arvind, You were most fortunate to have such a wonderful, inspiring father, and he was blessed to have you as a son. I’m excited about your book and so impressed that 29 reviewers on Amazon gave it 5 stars, and one gave it 4 stars. I will order one for myself and one for my daughter.
Personally, I think that you got genes for both looks and intelligence from your father (and I’m sure your mother had something to do with passing on those qualities as well.)
Madeleine, thanks for your kind words especially about my inherited genes:-)
Thanks also for ordering my book – much appreciated:-)
I hope that both you and your daughter get a lot of value from the book – and I would welcome your feedback.
Wishing you all the best for the festive season and 2011.
Love and blessings
Arvind