Continuing my theme for Valentine week, I am amazed at the pressure put on people to go out and do something for Valentine’s Day.

There are currently so many single people out there and I know many who feel this pressure to be with someone.

Are you single? Do you want to find the “special one”?

You are not the only one as there are an estimated 3 million single people in London alone. And that’s a lot of potential dating material. Speed dating is still the big thing at the moment, and dating agencies are sprouting. Internet dating has also become very popular.

Everyone dreams of that ideal relationship – one that is full of love and affection. A relationship with someone that you connect with mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We all want to meet our soul mate.

So how do you find that ideal relationship?

The key thing is to focus on creating your ideal life. To attract and create your ideal relationship, shift your focus away from attracting a partner and wanting a relationship.

Focus instead on creating the kind of life that you truly want. The kind of life that excites you so much that you jump out of bed every morning. Once you are in such a clearing, your dream partner can simply walk in and join you. The dream relationship should be the icing on the cake that is your life and not the end all and be all of your life.

To create your ideal life, ask your self what it is going to be about. What do you want to do for a living and what do you want to contribute to the world? Where do you want to live and how much money do you want to make? The key is to make your self truly happy right now and also to remain happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.

This is not to say that you don’t go in for things like speed dating. Just treat these as fun and social events. The trick with making the most of these events is to focus on your best points and be proud of that. For example, you may have a great smile – so show it off.

Also remember that it is okay to be rejected when asking someone out on a date. It is only their opinion and their choice. And with all dating related events, have no attachment to the outcome and have fun. Otherwise why would you even do it?

As for creating a clearing in your life for that dream partner to walk in, here are some tips:

1. Be complete with past relationships. Drop the baggage from the past. Let go of hurts and resentments towards anyone from your past. Forgive and reconcile with that ex-partner who was so mean to you. The true test is to meet such a person from your past and to not feel any negative thoughts.

2. Take stock of how you have behaved in previous relationships. Since by definition you are single, your past relationships have not worked out for whatever reason. And like it or not, that makes you at least 50% responsible for them not working out.

Get clarity on what you contributed to those relationships not working out. Be kind to yourself as you do this. Do not make it an excuse to beat your self up all over again.

3. Review your beliefs about relationships. What do you think should happen at different stages – from courtship to living together? What are your entrenched beliefs about the opposite sex? For example, from your cultural heritage, what are the expected roles and duties of a partner?

4. Get clear about what you want in a relationship. Make the fulfilment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner.

5. Define and get clear about your ideal relationship and partner. Be realistic, and ask what your needs are rather than your wants. What must your relationship have? What are the absolute essentials for you to thrive?

6. Socialise and have fun so as to create a varied, rich life, to be part of a healthy supportive community, and to enhance your life. You will therefore focus not so much on meeting your partner and more on creating a rich vibrant life, one which will be so attractive to a potentially dream catch.

Most people usually socialise in various ways so as to meet their dream partner, and by simply having fun and enjoying your life you become so much more attractive.

Make your life work and make room for your ideal partner. Once you have your life working for you, and you are happy, you will indeed attract the right partner.

Remember, you deserve the best. And that includes a dream relationship and the ideal partner. Don’t accept second best. Get clear about what you want in your life partner and why – and you can have it.